Record and remember emergency contacts for calling the police in a critical situation:

Phone police: 112 - for emergencies.

Phone police: 0900-8844 - for support of victims of violence without emergency assistance.Proceed to the first step of the domestic violence overcoming plan - press "Complete this step"👇.

Create a network of supportive friends and/or family

Think about who can be your trusted contacts and make a list of friends, relatives, and colleagues you trust.

When you find yourself in a situation where there is a risk of domestic violence, it's important to have a list of people you can rely on at hand.

ОHere are some examples of what this list might look like:

Friends

Emma:

• Phone: +316XXYYYYYYY

• Connection: Best friend from school days. Aware of my situation and always ready to help.

Relatives

Noah:

• Phone: +316XXWWWWW

• Connection: Brother. Lives in the neighboring city but ready to come if needed.

Colleagues

Tess:

• Phone: +316XXAAAAAAA

• Connection: Work colleague. Understands the situation well and can help hide for a few days.
  

Each person on this list should be someone you trust and who can provide support when needed. It's also important to remember that you can have multiple lists for different situations. For example, one list for emergencies and another for those you just want to inform about your situation. Make sure this list is kept in a safe place and is known by several people you trust.

Inform trusted individuals about your situation. Think about your fears and needs that you will discuss with your trusted contacts on how best to help you.

Prepare for the conversation: decide in advance what information you are willing to share.

• Before the conversation, focus on your feelings and determine which specific details you are ready to disclose.

• You may not want to share some personal aspects. Decide exactly what you want to say, and stick to that plan.

Choose a calm moment to talk to a trusted person.

• Suggest meeting in a comfortable place for both of you, where no one will disturb you.

• Ensure that you have enough time to discuss all issues.

Have individual conversations with each person on the list to find out if they are ready to support you.

• During the conversation, pay attention to the person's reaction. This will help you understand their willingness to help you.

• Ask open-ended questions to determine their level of involvement and readiness to support you.

Open communication with your trusted individuals is key to effective support. They need to understand what you are facing to be able to provide you with the necessary help. Here are some examples of such conversations:

Conversation with Emma (friend):

• Example: "Emma, I'm really scared when he becomes aggressive. I often feel trapped, and I need a place where I can hide for a few hours or nights. Can I come to you at such times?"
  

Conversation with Noah (brother):

• Example: "Noah, I really want my children to be safe. If something happens, can you come and take them to your place for some time?"

Conversation with Tess (colleague):

• Example: "Tess, I need help with work. If I suddenly can't come to work due to my domestic situation, can you cover for me and help with tasks?"

During such conversations, it is important to be open and honest about your feelings and needs. This will help your trusted individuals better understand how they can support and help you if needed.

Explain why you chose this particular person to talk to and what help you expect.

• Share memories or moments that have strengthened your trust in this person.

• Specify how they can help you - whether it's just emotional support or specific help in certain situations.

If possible, provide evidence of violence (photos, recordings, etc.).

• Be cautious when showing evidence and make sure it does not cause additional stress for you.

• Tell them how and when these evidences were obtained, so your trusted person has a full understanding of the situation.

Discuss possible actions in case of emergency situations.

• Develop an emergency action plan, including agreeing on "code words" for sending an SMS or calling in case of danger.

• Discuss the possibility of temporary shelter at your trusted person's place.
  

Ask the trusted person to keep the information confidential.

• Emphasize the importance of privacy, pointing out the possible consequences of disclosing information.

• Explain that this will protect both you and the trusted person.
  

Offer resources for additional information about domestic violence so your trusted person can better understand your situation.

• Share interactive WomanAid plans for self-development at https://www.womanaid.help/self-development-of-mentality which can help them understand the depth of the domestic violence issue. .

• Recommend professional organizations or support groups specializing in working with victims of violence.

Ensure the possibility of quick communication with these individuals (for example, speed dial on the phone).

To be able to quickly seek help from trusted individuals, it's important to establish simple communication methods. Here are some examples of how this can be done:

Speed Dial on Button Phones:

• Many smartphones allow you to set up "speed dial" for certain contacts. This means you can just press and hold a certain key or number to call a specific person immediately.

• For Emma: Set her number as "Speed Dial 1". To call her, simply press and hold "1" on your phone's keypad.
  

Pinning Chats in Messaging Apps for Smartphones:

• If you often use messaging apps like WhatsApp, Telegram, or Viber, you can "pin" chats with trusted individuals at the top of your chat list so they are always visible.

• For Noah: Open the chat with him in your messenger and then use the option to "pin the chat" or similar.

Creating a Special Code Word:

• Agree with trusted individuals on a special code word that you will use in SMS or chats to immediately inform them of danger without needing to explain details.

• For Tess: The code word could be "Red Flower". If she receives a message from you with just this word, she knows you need help.

These simple steps can be lifesaving in critical situations, so it's important to carefully prepare and ensure that your communication channels are set up and functioning properly.

Create a secure chat with a trusted contact to prevent the abuser from accessing this chat from another device by logging into your account. Protect the messenger entry with a password.

If you are concerned that the abuser may gain access to your messenger account from another device, it is important to take additional security measures. Here are some steps you can take:

Choose a messenger with strong security features:

• Example: Signal or Telegram. Both of these messengers offer end-to-end encrypted chats.

Enable two-factor authentication:

• This is an additional layer of security that requires entering a special code you receive via SMS or a code generation app each time someone tries to log into your account. Example: In Telegram, go to "Settings" -> "Privacy and Security" -> "Two-Step Verification" and enable it.

Protect messenger entry with a password:

• Some messengers allow you to set a local password or access code for the app itself. Example: In Signal, go to "Settings" -> "Privacy" -> "Screen Lock" and set a password or code.

Prohibit access from new devices:

• Some messengers allow you to limit the ability to log in from new devices without your confirmation. Example: In Telegram, go to "Settings" -> "Privacy and Security" -> "Active Sessions" and close all sessions unknown to you, and enable the option "Terminate All Other Sessions".

Use a special code word:

• Agree with your trusted contact on a special word or phrase that will be a signal for help, or that you are in danger.

These steps will ensure that your messages and communications remain private, regardless of whether someone tries to access your account.

Create a group in messengers or social networks for quick communication with your support network. (It's not advised to do this if the abuser has access to your messengers and social networks).

Having a separate group for your support network allows you to quickly receive help or support in critical moments. Here are some steps on how to do it:

Choose the platform:

• Select a messenger or social network where most of your trusted contacts are. Popular options include: WhatsApp, Telegram, Viber, Facebook Messenger, etc.

Create a group:

• Go to the chosen messenger or social network and create a new group. Name it something unidentifiable, like "Book Club" or "Ira's Recipes," so the name does not raise suspicions.

Add contacts:

• Add trusted friends, relatives, and colleagues to the group who are willing to support you. Make sure all group members are aware of its purpose and agree to help you.
  

Agree on rules:

• Discuss with the group members how communication will be organized. For example, you can use a special code word for urgent help.

Check privacy:

• Regularly check the privacy settings of the group to ensure that the abuser does not have access to it. If you create a group on a social network, make sure it is private and not public.

Please note, if there is a risk that the abuser can access your account, it's better to avoid creating such groups. In such cases, consider other means of communication and support..

Keep records of all instances of violence.

Create a separate diary or notebook where you will document all incidents of violence:

• Choose an inconspicuous notebook that is hard to recognize as a diary about violence.

• Keep the notebook in a safe and inaccessible place for others.

Record the date, time, place, and details of each incident:

• Be as precise as possible when describing events.

• Try to keep records regularly, while the events are still fresh in your memory.

Describe physical injuries and emotional state after each incident:

• In addition to visible injuries, also note any pain or discomfort in any part of the body.

• Describe your feelings and emotions after the incident, as this can be useful later.

If possible, take photographs of injuries or destroyed property:

• Use a camera or smartphone if it is safe.

• Store the photographs in a safe place or upload them to a reliable cloud storage.

Record witnesses, if any, and their contact details:

• Ask witnesses to provide support if you decide to contact law enforcement.

• Keep contact details in a safe place.

Save copies and photos of all police reports, medical records, and other documents related to violence:

• You can store copies in digital format on a secured device or in cloud storage.

• Keep physical copies in a safe place, such as a locked box or with a trusted person.

Create a protected folder on your computer or mobile device to store electronic copies of evidence:

• Choose an inconspicuous name for the folder to avoid suspicion.

• Use passwords for accessing the folder and ensure your device is also password-protected.

Use cloud storage with two-factor authentication for added security:

• Choose well-known and reliable services for storing information.

• Always keep access codes and other login information secret.

Regularly upload photographs, audio and video recordings, SMS, emails, and other evidence of violence to this storage:

• Try to do this systematically to not miss any important evidence.

If you store physical evidence (like torn clothing), keep them in a safe place inaccessible to the abuser:

• Consider storing these items outside your home.

Consider storing evidence in a reliable storage or with a trusted person:

• Inform this person about the importance of maintaining confidentiality.

Ensure you have backup copies of all evidence in case the primary evidence is lost or damaged:

• This could be another cloud storage or an external hard drive.

Keep contact details of a lawyer or social worker who can assist you in using this evidence in legal proceedings:

• Consult them for advice on storing and using evidence in court.

Create an action plan for what to do if you don't respond.

Set a maximum time for lack of communication, after which the trusted person should start taking action (e.g., if you don't communicate within 24 hours).

• Consider your usual schedule. If you normally communicate with friends or family daily, then 24 hours might be a suitable timeframe.

• Account for your daily habits. If you regularly visit certain places (work, classes, etc.), inform your trusted individuals about these.

Choose several trusted individuals from your list who will be informed about your detailed daily plan.

• ОSelect people you trust and who are willing to take responsibility in such a situation.

• Discuss with them to ensure they understand the importance of their role.
  

Provide them with a list of contacts of close relatives and friends they can call to inquire about your whereabouts.

• Provide them with a list of contacts of close relatives and friends they can call to inquire about your whereabouts.

• Specify how each person is connected to you (e.g., "work colleague (informed/not informed about the situation)", "neighbor (informed/not informed about the situation)").

Ensure trusted individuals have access to your residence (keys, door codes, etc.).

• Consider making duplicate keys and giving them to trusted individuals.

• If you have a security system or coded lock, give them instructions and access codes.

Ask them to contact the police in case of your prolonged absence.

• Discuss when exactly they should contact the police. Should it be immediately after the set period of no communication or after additional checks with the contact list. Provide your trusted contacts with your address, name, and other vital information to report to the police.

• Advise them to have all necessary information about you: a photo, a description of appearance, copies of your key documents, such as a passport, birth certificate, etc.

• Instruct them to contact the police immediately in case of suspected violence.

• Provide them with contacts of the local police station and other services that can assist in emergencies.

Write down instructions for trusted individuals on what to do in your absence, and keep them in a safe place.

Formulate clear steps of action to be taken in case of your absence.

Example:

1. Checking the reasons for absence: First, the trusted person can try to call you or send a message in a messenger.

2. Checking with relatives and friends: Call people from the contact list you provided to find out if they have been in touch with you.

3. Conducting a visual check: If necessary, visit your place of residence to ensure everything is in order.

4. Contacting work/educational institution: If you work or study, it's worth calling your workplace/educational institution to find out if they know your whereabouts.

Consider various scenarios, such as the possibility of being in a hospital or another facility. Specify that hospitals should be contacted first.

Example:

1. Hospitals: If you cannot be found, the trusted person can contact the nearest hospitals and medical facilities to find out if you are receiving medical care.

2. Police: In case of prolonged absence without communication, the trusted person should consider the possibility of contacting the police regarding a missing person.

3. Other Places: If you regularly visit any sports sections, clubs, or groups, the trusted person can also contact them to inquire about your possible whereabouts.

4. Social Networks: Although it may not always be the most reliable source of information, your activities on social networks can be checked for any clues.

What legal assistance can victims of domestic violence expect?

1. Legal Consulting: Providing information about the rights of the victim, explaining the legal aspects of domestic violence, and the options for action within the current legislation.

2. Assistance in Document Preparation: Preparing and filing necessary legal documents, including violence reports, child support applications, and others.

3. Representation in Court: A lawyer can represent the victim's interests in court, especially in cases related to criminal charges against the aggressor.
   

Personal Safety:

• Violence Report: A lawyer can help in preparing and filing a report of violence to the court or police.

• Obtaining a Protection Order: A lawyer will assist in applying for a protective or restraining order, prohibiting the aggressor from approaching or contacting the victim. Protection against stalking.

• Changing Documents: A lawyer can assist in changing personal documents if necessary to avoid persecution by the abuser.
  

Shared Property:

• Property Division: A lawyer can assist in determining which property is shared and how it can be fairly divided.

• Protection Against Illegal Actions: If there is a risk that the abuser may dispose of or damage shared property, a court order for its preservation may be obtained.

• Temporary Use of Property: In some cases, it may be possible to obtain a court order granting the victim exclusive right to use certain property (e.g., the family home).

• Support in Compensation Cases: In some jurisdictions, victims of violence may be entitled to compensation for damage caused by crimes.

Shared Children::

• Consultation on Children: A lawyer will provide advice on custody and upbringing issues, especially if there is a threat to their well-being.

• Temporary Custody: If there is an immediate risk to the children, an application can be made to the court for a temporary custody order.

• Custody and Upbringing: A lawyer will assist in regulating issues concerning custody, upbringing, and rights to meet with children, considering the safety of the children and the interests of the victim. .

• Child Support: Assistance in determining the amount and terms of child support payments. A lawyer can help in preparing and submitting an application for child support.

• Protection Against International Travel: In cases where there is a risk that the abuser may take the children abroad without the mother's consent, a lawyer can assist in obtaining the appropriate court order.

If you cannot afford a lawyer, you can get free legal assistance through one of the recommended organizations below.

Recommended Organizations for Legal Assistanceи

In the Netherlands, there are several organizations that can provide legal assistance to victims of domestic violence, even for free or with the support of state programs for reimbursing legal assistance costs. Here are some of them:

Het Juridisch Loket (Legal Counter):

This organization provides free legal consultations for those in need of legal assistance, including victims of domestic violence. They can help with obtaining information about your rights and options. Website: www.juridischloket.nl/ Langzs (National Network of Lawyers):LANGZS Foundation, the national network of lawyers for victims of violence and sexual crimes, focuses on legal assistance for victims of violent and sexual crimes.

Website: langzs.nl/ De Raad voor Rechtsbijstand (Legal Aid Council)%The Legal Aid Council organizes subsidized mediation and legal assistance. The Council does this based on the Legal Aid Act (Wrb).

Website: www.rechtsbijstand.nl/

Slachtofferhulp Nederland (Victim Support Netherlands):

This organization provides support and assistance to victims of crimes, including domestic violence. They can help in obtaining legal information and support.

Website: www.slachtofferhulp.nl/

Slachtoffer desk (Legal Assistance for Victims and Their Relatives);

This organization can help you FREE OF CHARGE, as victims and relatives of serious crimes often have the right to a state-subsidized lawyer.

Website: www.slachtofferdesk.nl/

Get everything ready for contacting the police:

Safety First:

• Ensure that you are in a safe place and your situation allows you to prepare for filing a statement or declaration to the police.

• If the situation is urgent and your health or life is at risk, contact the police: Police website In emergencies dial: 112 For non-emergency assistance: 0900-8844
  

For filing a declaration, prepare or start collecting the following information:

• Personal Documents: Prepare personal documents if possible (passport, birth certificate, children's documents).

• Evidence: Prepare all evidence of violence if possible (photographs, recordings, messages, etc.).

• Witness Details: Full name of the witness, their residence, and contact phone number.

• Medical Report: If you have received a medical report.

• Formulate your declaration/statement, in which you describe in detail the events that occurred to you.

These preparations are crucial for ensuring that when you contact the police, you have all the necessary information and evidence to support your case. This will aid in the accurate documentation and handling of your situation by the authorities. Remember, your safety and well-being are the top priority, and reaching out for help is a brave and important step.

Find a shelter for yourself and your children that the abuser does not know about.

Indicators for a woman and her children that indicate the need for seeking shelter:

Fear and Anxiety:

• Constant feeling of fear at the thought of returning home.

• Children showing increased anxiety, having nightmares, or fear of certain people.
  

Threats from the Abuser:

• Open or covert threats of violence or murder.

• Threats to harm relatives, pets, or destroy personal belongings.
  

Physical Violence:

• Appearance of bruises, cuts, or other injuries inflicted by the abuser.

• Children showing signs of violence or talking about aggression they have witnessed or experienced.
  

Psychological Trauma:

• Feelings of hopelessness, depression, alienation from surroundings.

• Children becoming withdrawn, aggressive, or overly submissive.
  

Economic Violence:

• The abuser controls all financial resources and prevents you from having your own income.

• Inability to purchase necessities for yourself and children due to financial restrictions.
  

Sexual Violence:

• Forced into sexual relations or sexual harassment.

• Attempts of forced isolation from family and friends.
  

Isolation:

• The abuser restricts your contacts with relatives, friends, or colleagues.

• Feeling like you have nowhere to go or no one to turn to for help.
  

Changes in Children's Behavior:

• Becoming aggressive, withdrawn, losing interest in favorite activities.

• Problems at school, such as declining performance, conflicts with peers.
  

Behavior of the Abuser:

• Increased use of alcohol or drugs.

• Aggressive behavior, not only towards you but also towards others.

Shelter Among Acquaintances

• Make a list of friends, relatives, or acquaintances who are willing to provide temporary accommodation for you and/or your children. Ensure they are in safe locations, away from your usual residence (another area or city).

• Ensure they are in safe locations, away from your usual residence (another area or city). Maintain contact with children if they are temporarily placed with guardians (for independent children, through an alternative phone; for dependent children, through the guardian's phone).

• Maintain contact with children if they are temporarily placed with guardians (for independent children, through an alternative phone; for dependent children, through the guardian's phone). .

• Provide children with necessary items (clothing, toys, books, etc.) for a comfortable stay with the guardian. Inform your child's educational institution about your situation.
  

National Shelter Network

Contact local organizations that provide assistance to victims of domestic violence, which can provide you with temporary shelter or guardianship for children. - click below "Request for Shelter"

Request for Shelter

Veilig Thuis (Safe Home):

• A national organization that offers support to victims of family violence and child abuse. They offer confidential consultations and can help organize necessary services. Website: veiligthuis.nl/

Blijf Groep (Stay Group):

• While their main focus is providing shelter, they can also assist with legal matters or direct victims to appropriate legal resources. Website: www.blijfgroep.nl/

Stichting Kadera (Kadera Foundation):

• Specializes in supporting victims of domestic violence and works to prevent violence in family relationships. Website: www.kadera.nl/
  

Vrouwenopvang (Women's Shelter):

• Provides shelter and assistance to women who are victims of violence. Website: www.enver.nl/
  

Fier:

• Specializes in helping victims of violence in dependent relationships, including sexual violence, forced marriage, human trafficking, and other forms of abuse. Website: www.fier.nl/
  

Sterk Huis:

• Uses knowledge about complex problems and vulnerable situations to identify risks earlier and prevent serious issues. Website: www.sterkhuis.nl/

Tips

Ensure that all alternative shelters and guardians are in safe locations, away from your usual place of residence.

Check the possibility of anonymous stay in alternative shelters.

Provide children with necessary items (clothing, toys, books, etc.) for a comfortable stay in the shelter or with guardians.

Find out what services the shelter provides (e.g., psychological support, legal assistance, etc.).

Ensure that the shelter has the necessary conditions for living with children (if applicable to your situation).

Consider who will pay the utility bills for your residence while staying in the shelter (get free legal consultation on this question during the legal preparation step of this plan). Some shelters may offer financial assistance, as well as advice on finances and debts.

Shelters often include provision of food and utilities​​.

Assistance in job searching or obtaining social benefits.

Prepare an emergency bag with essential items.

Choosing a Bag:

• Select a lightweight and inconspicuous bag or backpack that won't attract attention and is easy to carry quickly.

Packing and Storage:

• Ensure your bag is in a safe, but accessible location for you. This could be at a friend's house, workplace, in your car, or another easily accessible location where the abuser cannot find it.

• If using an external storage place, like a rented locker, ensure you have multiple keys and they are stored in safe places.

• Pack items in a way that won't raise suspicion from your partner. For example, move and pack items into the bag already at a safe location, bit by bit each day when the partner is away.

Clothing:

• Pack changeable clothes for yourself and, if necessary, for your children: comfortable clothing, footwear, a hat or cap, underwear.
  

Hygiene Items:

• Include basic items such as a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, toilet paper, tampons or pads, wet wipes, a small towel, and mini shampoo.
  

Technology and Communication:

• Include a fully charged mobile phone with a charger. Ensure your phone has access to emergency services.
  

Finances:

• Add cash, a small stash of coins for public transport, and a credit or debit card.
  

Keys:

• Pack a spare set of keys for your home, car, and other important places you might need.
  

Contact Information:

• Make a list of important numbers: relatives, friends, help services, doctors. Also, include addresses and contacts of shelters or support services.
  

This emergency bag serves as your protection in case you need to quickly escape from domestic violence. Ensure you regularly check and update the contents of the bag.

Keep important documents in a safe place.

Classification and Collection of Documents:

• Gather all key documents, including passports, marriage certificates, birth certificates, residency permits, bank cards, medical cards, diplomas, property titles, insurance policies, driver's licenses, medical records, court-related documents, divorce/settlement papers, lease/mortgage/insurance documents, photographs.
  

Backup Copies:

• Make physical copies of all your important documents. This can be done using a photocopier or scanner.
  

Separate Storage:

• For safety reasons, always keep originals and copies in different places. This reduces the risk of losing all information in case of theft or fire.
  

Protected Storage:

• Consider storing documents in a home safe for an additional level of protection. Additionally, some banks offer safety deposit boxes for storing valuable items and documents.
  

Trusting External Parties:

• If you have people you trust (friends, relatives), ask them to keep copies of your documents. This ensures an alternative storage location in case of emergencies.
  

Electronic Storage:

• Scan all documents and upload them to a secure cloud account, such as Google Drive, Dropbox, or OneDrive. Use strong passwords and two-factor authentication for added protection. Ensure you know how to access these files from different devices.
  

The key word when storing documents is "safety." Always consider potential risks and take measures to minimize them.